As Orthodox Christians we are supposed to put all of our fears and cares up to God and trust in Him. But, saying that is a lot easier than actually doing it.
In Philippians we read “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Just this past summer my husband, son, and I went camping and hiking in Mount Olympus in Greece. It was Moses’ first trip that we backpacked, we carried everything (our tent, our food, a small gas stove, plates, and silverware, jackets for the cold) we needed in our backpacks, I took around 20 kilos and my husband took about 35 kilos, and were going to spend a few days in the mountains.
We got to our first place of camping and it was beautiful. It was a long difficult journey, but we were excited to just be in nature. The next day we decided to go to a plateau where we would camp for the second and third nights. On our way there we were following the path that would bring us to the plateau.
It was the first time we had done this path to the plateau. We were getting higher into the mountains and we came to this area which was called the “belt.” My husband had told me that there would be one area that might seem a little scary, but that I could complete the hike without a problem.
Well, I had on a special backpack which allowed me to carry our son on my back. He had fallen asleep as we arrived to the area called the “belt.” As I looked before me I saw a path, no bigger than my foot is wide, and that went on for as far as I could see. The path traversed a cliff! From the path up to the top of the mountain was a vertical wall. From the path down to the valley, was a steep plunge. As I recalled the memory that night, everything seemed very fuzzy and it was hard to picture the actual moment we started on the trail. The further we got, I remember feeling like someone was squeezing my head. I was also seeing stars in my eyes. I could only think about two things: saying the Lord’s Prayer and the Thrice Holy Hymn, and thinking about what would happen if I were to fall off the trail.
I was so terrified, without knowing, I kept stopping on the trail. We finally came to a area where we had a little more space and I told my husband that I could not go on any more. I was paralyzed with fear. Fear not for myself, but fear that something would happen where I would put the life of our son in danger. We ended up turning around and going back to our first camping site.
That night, my husband and I spoke about how debilitating the fear that I felt was like. We also talked about how well we communicated in such a stressful situation. He said that he admired that I was able to go through with such a difficult task, but he was glad also that I was able to recognize when I could not go any further. Needless to say, after telling some other people about our adventures, a father and son mentioned how some people had lost their lives on that trail because they were not careful! Wow, was I happy we turned around. If we ever want to go to the plateau on Mount Olympus in the future, we said we would find an alternate route to avoid the “belt.”
Fear comes in many different forms. Fear is different for all people.
I remember growing up and my biggest fear was making my mom angry and the consequences that would come from that. I remember sitting in my room saying the Jesus Prayer, praying that the consequences wouldn’t be too bad or difficult.
I also remember before we became pregnant with our son Moses. Before we came to Albania, I had a miscarriage of twins. Then nine months later, once we arrived in Albania, I experienced an ectopic pregnancy and had to be rushed into emergency surgery.
Then I became pregnant again in the Autumn of 2014, and I have to be honest, I lived in fear every day. A miscarriage or inability to become pregnant is a lot more common than we are all aware of. It is just not something that we talk about so much. It is taboo. But, because the topic of this is the power of fear, I want you to know that fear is a common feeling, and it is nothing that should be kept inside.
Every day, every minute, every second of my pregnancy with our son, I was fearful, even terrified, that my pregnancy would end how my previous two had ended. In the death of our unborn child.
Speaking about our fears with other people that have the same fears helps us to overcome them. As does praying and relying on Christ. For me, praying to the Theotokos gave me special comfort. I remember looking at an icon of the Crucifixion after my first miscarriage thinking I haven’t even met my unborn child yet. But here is the Theotokos who knew what would come of her son's life, but still remained by his side even until his death. She was strong. She believed in Him. Even after his death she was one of the first to go and preach of his crucifixion and resurrection.
Praise the Lord, our son was born in April of 2015. From the moment he was placed in my arms a whole other set of fears began to take hold in my brain. I became fearful of everything. I did not want anything bad to happen to him.
Our society plays into our fears as parents as well. Afraid your child will bump their head on the corner of the table? Don’t worry buy this gadget and put it on all of the corners of your house and they will be fine! Afraid that your child will get into the cabinet with all of the chemicals? Don’t worry, buy this gadget that will keep your drawers and cabinets closed!
I remember when we moved into our most recent apartment. It is on the 12th floor, and we have some other Clergy families that live above us. They were able to have extra railings installed on their balconies to make it harder for the children to get access to the railings. Our balcony did not have this, so I implored my husband to put locks on the window and the door leading to the balcony. Although he laughed at the time, I’m sure he agreed with me about putting them all the way at the top of the window and door so that our son couldn’t open them without our permission. I was terrified that he would open the window or door without us and tumble down to the street. We even had someone tell us of how in their apartment there was a child who fell from the 4th floor balcony and died.
Sharing scary stories like this is very common in the society that we live in today. Sharing stories with friends and families of the unfortunate events that make us have nightmares at night.
Some fear is natural in parents. We love our children so much that the thought of anything bad happening to them sends us into a panic. But, as my husband so often reminds me, if we aren’t careful, this fear and panic can become oppressive. When we let fear dominate our parenting and our relationships, we can actually shield our families and children from the very things that they need to learn how to deal with.
My husband is always reminding me that if I constantly helicopter over our son and let my fears become his fears, then he will not be confident, he will not be responsible. He won’t be able to look after himself.
While being conscious of safety issues is important, we have to know when to draw the line and let our kids experience life, even the painful parts. That might mean letting your child climb at the park, even when you're afraid he or she might fall or get hurt.
Ultimately, only God can completely care for our children. He trusts us to protect them and love them, but as Jeremiah 29:11 says, "'I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" This is our hope as Christian parents: God is in control and we can trust him. He really does have only the best planned for our children.
Having fears can be healthy. Like when I was on the hike on Mount Olympus with my family. I knew that I was fearful and that I was not equipped to manage the trail. It was beyond my ability. Children can and should be encouraged to understand their fears. It is also good to have a sense of when something could bring harm. But, we as parents need to balance the risks, fears and over-protectiveness with the importance of encouraging children to be independent and show initiative.
As parents, we should be present in our children’s lives. Along with Christ and the Saints, we are their guides in life, however we are not their guards. If a child grows up feeling confined and constrained, they are at risk to act out their own parents greatest fears. Letting your children have freedom to make decisions and also mistakes is the best teacher.
I’m so thankful that my husband and I have a balanced relationship. Where I lack in some areas, like projecting my fears onto our son, my husband is a little more relaxed. We really try to encourage our son with wisdom, rather than motivating him by fear. Something my husband always says is: don’t be so emotional! Be rational! It is nice to reflect on that advice now, but most of the time in the moment when he tells me that I get so irritated. But he is right, it is more important to be rational with our children than to let our emotions guide our actions.
As Christian parents we need to be rational about our children and what they do. We need to offer logical wisdom for each decision they make. It will reframe their attitudes. Being logical and offering wisdom to them is very rational.
Instead of yelling No! Don’t do that! I try and offer a little logical wisdom: if you continue to slam your cup on the table it will break. How do you think you would feel if you broke your favorite cup? We try and be rational and offer logical wisdom so that we don’t just react to them, we respond to them with love.
As much as it would be nice to only be rational and give logical wisdom, fear is going to happen. But we have a choice about how we will respond to it. The choice to not be in fear is not one we can make of our own free will. It is through the power of the Holy Spirit that we can overcome fear.
God is with us. As we say in Psalm 23: He leads me in paths of His righteous for His namesake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
When we have fears, for our children, for our families, or even if our children come to us with their own fears, we should bring the fears to God. We need to pray about the situation that is before us.
When our son was a few months old we started to notice that his eyes would turn towards his nose. Slowly, slowly it started to get worse, but we thought it was just part of his being a infant still. We were so fearful that something could be bad with our son. We didn’t want to believe it. But, after we had a few people mention that we should visit an eye doctor, we did, and they realized that he had a problem in both of his eyes called a strabismus. We ended up going to a specialist and the eye doctor told us that our son needed to wear patches on his eyes for a certain amount of time per day. We would make another appointment in a few months and see how his eyes were doing.
The few months went by, and we went back to the eye doctor. She ended up confirming that his eyes were not getting better, they were getting worse. And if we did not make a surgical intervention, his brain would shut off one of his eyes because it was making him see double. In that moment, we were terrified. Here was our son, barely a year old, and he would need eye surgery on both of his eyes! What about all of the complications that could arise from this? What if something went wrong and he went blind in both eyes? What if the doctor made a mistake…..the list went on and on and on. We were so afraid. Thank God, we were able to speak with my husbands parents and I remember them saying to us: Thank God that you were attentive and found out this problem before it got much worse. It’s not a matter of the complications that can happen. Moses needs to have the surgery or he will go blind. Place your cares into the hands of God and He will guide the doctor and bless Moses.
The power of fear that we felt was not that of God. The power of fear that we felt was our own doubts for His will to be done. Thank God, it’s been 2.5 years since Moses had his eye surgery. His eyes are doing 90% great. He has a little bit of a Hypertropia in one of his eyes, which makes his eye track a little higher at times when he is tired. The last time we went to the doctor, he said his eyes were healthy but to be aware of this Hypertropia. Now that we know that his eyes are healthy but he might need a corrective surgery possibly in the future, we are not fearful. We have learned that we need to be aware of the plan that God has set before us. It wasn’t easy, and it will probably never be easy, but it is the plan of God and to trust in Him means to not be fearful of the outcome.
I want to conclude by sharing a beautiful story from the Gospel of Matthew on fear.
After feeding the 5,000, Jesus sent his disciples on ahead of him in a boat to cross the Sea of Galilee. Several hours later in the night, the disciples encountered a storm that frightened them. Then they witnessed Jesus walking toward them across the surface of the water, and their fear turned to terror because they believed they were seeing a ghost. As recounted in Matthew verse 27, Jesus told them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
Peter replied, "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water," and Jesus invited Peter to do exactly that. Peter jumped out of the boat and began walking on the water toward Jesus, but the moment he took his eyes off of Jesus, Peter saw nothing but the wind and waves, and he started to sink.
Peter cried out to the Lord, and Jesus immediately reached out his hand to catch him. As Jesus and Peter climbed into the boat together, the storm ceased. After witnessing this miracle, the disciples worshiped Jesus, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."
Let us remember that when we have our eyes on Christ, like Peter, we are focused on Him. We are with Him. But the moment we do not have our focus on Christ, this is when fear can dominate us. Where fear reigns, faith is driven away. But where faith reigns, fear has no place. Faith and fear don’t mix. As you bring in faith and love, fear will go further away. But if you invite fear as a resident in your life, then you will drive faith and love away.
